“For I was…a stranger and you took me in.” ~Matthew 25:35

In the world where we live, true friends are often hard to come by. Much more so are those who adopt you as part of their family. FL Young gave me, as my cousin Heidi would say, a “bonus dad” when I needed one.

Flight of Memories

For FL Young, 1/13/18. 11:47 AM

It snowed last night, wrapping our world in white.
You flowed through my dreams like a thawed river.
This morning, memories came on downy wings,
quiet as the still-falling snow.
I opened my hands, letting them light,
inhaling the scent of their aliveness,
their fluttering wings floating on the mountain morning,
accompanied by your spirit.

The Story

For a long time, I felt like I didn’t have a family. My mom’s mental illness caused her to distrust everyone, and since she already thought my dad was possessed, she was convinced his family was a bad influence on me too. Although Daddy pleaded with her on several occasions that he wanted his daughter to know his family as I grew up, she never relented. 

Grown, the desire to know them was there, but doubts plagued me: Already a big family, would they want to add me to the mix? What reason would I give for why I had never visited before? What would they think if they knew the truth?

I had in fact moved to Tennessee to be closer to my Uncle Don, my mom’s brother – the only family I had known, and that from a distance since he always live far away from us. His wife, my Aunt Jennifer had family in Ohio, so through them I had cousins on his side as well but I was convinced that though they might tolerate me, they wouldn’t really want me because I wasn’t blood.

I met Freda and Tammy Young at my place of work in my early Tennessee life. I’m not sure what first drew us together, but the bond held tight. They began to invite me to their family gatherings and we all became very close. I watched their children grow up, attended birthday parties, weddings, baby showers. They invited me to their Thanksgivings, Christmases, and Easters. The patriarch of the family reminded me a lot of my own dad in personality. A man only given a name to go with his initials upon enlisting in the army, FL Young was a silent mountain holding up the vast and beautiful waterfall of his family as daughters and grandchildren babbled and tumbled around him. I was drawn to him and took to going and sitting in the serene stillness that was his essence. Beyond initial greetings we didn’t say much, but our hearts must have been speaking volumes.

The Easter of the year before his death, I went with the others to help him to the car. “God bless you,” I smiled. “Always a blessing to see you, he replied.” Sometime after that, he told me I was like one of his own daughters. Having lost my bio dad a couple of years after coming to Tennessee, it was so meaningful to me that this big-hearted man who was so similar to him had adopted me too. By that Christmas, FL was too sick to come to the family gathering. A month later, I sat by his bed with the family as his organs failed. We were told it was only a matter of time.

On the evening of January 12th, I headed home around 8:30 PM. That night it snowed. In the morning, I was in my studio doing some writing and just felt this calm, sweet present sweep in and pass over me. I felt such a pervasive sense of peace. I knew it was him. At 3:30, Freda texted: “Daddy passed away last night sis. Love you.” 

I am glad to say I’ve finally gotten to know both sides of my bio family, and even though I sometimes struggle with questions of what I bring to the table and whether they will always want me in their lives, I’m just taking it a day, a summer, a year at a time. But for the family who was my family when I didn’t have one, all I can say is thank you, and I love you with all my heart. I asked Jesus to introduce my dad and Mr. FL. I’m sure that as alike as they were, they made fast friends. Thanks for standing in for my dad, FL. Can’t wait to see you both when I get there.