Recently, I mentioned my journey toward trusting myself. In my 37 years, I’ve learned a lot about how to overcome my own negative energies but that’s still one I’m working on. Why? Because I know that I have to be able to trust my own instincts and decisions if I want to be a strong positive force in this world.

Last week was my first real return to church following the quarantine. It was a beautiful sunny spring morning, and I woke up feeling kind of glowy. Eager to escape the tyranny of the pants I’ve been wearing all winter, I decided to wear a dress. I considered what I might have that would mirror my mood and the atmosphere of the day. This little red number popped out with its flowers and cheerfulness, and the heart cutout in the back that you can’t see. “Perfect,” I thought as I pulled it from the closet.

After putting it on, my thoughts changed. I could see all the knee pudge, the underarm fat – all the things I don’t particularly like about myself right now. I started to pull it back off and put on pants and a shirt, but something stopped me.

1. The outfit was more about spreading cheer and feeling free than it was about looking like a model.

2. I’m not going to the Met for God’s sake!

So I decided not to question my original decision. I made myself take the picture and post it. I drove to church, walked in, and acted normal. I stood before the crowd and sang, and as doubts crept in I let them float away like petals down a stream.

I can know who I am on the inside, and I can let that be all that matters.