Ever get annoyed with all the extra work it seems like you have to do to stay mentally healthy?
I know I do. I get frustrated.
I’ve been in that frame of mind again lately. Recently there have been a lot of stressful events and things to deal with, and some of my old triggers have gone into overdrive. I find myself doing things I thought I was “over.”
One of those things is fighting my Freeze response which has been kicking in more (referencing the 4 F’s of trauma – Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn.) My other go-to is Flight. I like Flight mode much better but as we are all too aware, we don’t get to choose our response to our triggers! The other is that I have lately needed to do more grounding to combat dissociating.
One morning I got so frustrated from all of this that I posted my disappointment on Facebook. Is healing really possible? I inquired of my friends. A wise response from my amazing poet-friend Tresha Haefner helped me realize a primary reason I am getting so frustrated is that I have been thinking of “healing” as some permanent destination where, once I arrived, all my troubles will disappear forever. (Yeah…right!)
Thankfully, on the same day I had my therapy appointment with my wonderful therapist Abby, whom I’ve talked about here before. When I whined that I had made little progress, Abby reminded me how long it’s been since I had a really intense episode. She also pointed out that the episodes I do have are happening far less frequently. She concluded with, “You’re doing fine.” Which was what I needed to hear, and it really helped to hear it from a professional.
So when you get irritated because it seems you have to fight all these extra battles, just remember…
1. We don’t know everyone else’s battles. Trauma is unfortunately more common every year. If I’m recalling my SEL (Social Emotional Learning) training correctly, at least 1 in 5 children will have gone through ACES (Adverse Childhood Experiences) by the time they reach high school. Everyone around us has their own personal struggles. Few and far between are the people who don’t.
2. If you are trying to heal, then you probably are healing. There’s no way you can be making an effort and not making any progress – even if it seems like you aren’t. As I so often tell my students, life is a continuum on which if you are not moving forward, you are moving backward. Therefore if you are trying to make progress, you cannot help but make it!
The takeaway? Let’s keep fighting the good fight. We are worth it. I’m proud of us! We’re doing fine.
What is life without shared experiences? I know hearing what others go through always helps me. Share your experience with the healing process in the comments below!
