Bet you didn’t know – when I’m feeling angry, I listen to rap. And I don’t mean TobyMac. I’m talking serious old-school gangsta rap. Why? Here, I’ll break it down for you.

Why do I do this?

Like many trauma survivors, there are times I wake up angry. I learned a long time ago to channel my anger. Of course, that was mostly because I wasn’t allowed to express it, but everything has some benefit right? Channeling definitely helps me get more done, and I avoid any violent tendencies it could have turned into. Somewhere along the line, I discovered that listening to “violent” music had a way of burning off the negativity I was feeling.

Why does it help?

I’ve come to realize it’s what I do while listening that helps. In fact if I just sat around listening passively, it might not help at all! The 2 primary things I do while listening are either some type of workout or stream-of-consciousness writing.

First, the workout.

I go for something physically intense and action-packed when I’m feeling this way. For example, I might ride my stationary bike at warp speed and alternate aerobics and weight lifting. Or else I’ll strap on the ol’ headphones and go out for a run. By the time I pounded the shit out of the pavement (or the equipment) to the rhythm of 50-cent, Geto Boys, TI or sometimes even Young Money, the rush of anger is spent and I am myself again.

Second, the writing.

I use stream of consciousness so I can turn off my inner filter and just pour out what’s inside of me. (In fact, here’s a link to a guest podcast I did for my friend Eli Lund on the process of writing in stream of consciousness for healing.)

To illustrate what I mean, I wrote the poem “Letter to Schizophrenia,” included in The Locust Years, to pour out all the anger I felt at my mom’s untreated disease while blasting Future’s “Mask Off.”

Do you have a music you listen to that helps you  burn off negative energy? Share in the comments!