Dear Daddy,

For the past several years, I have been in excruciating pain on this day. Recently, a friend gave me good advice. “Have you prayed for God’s peace?” she asked. No. I had to admit, I had not.

And then of course the inevitable question was, “Why not?” I do for everything else. The answer hit me hard – guilt. I simply felt like I deserved to suffer for all I had put you through by not standing up for you when I was a kid.

But as I thought back to our last father’s day together, that last conversation, my heart finally realized what my logical mind had known – I was a kid. I had absolutely zero control over the situation. You knew that, accepted it, and I could say for the sake of resolution that you forgave me, but really, reading over your face as we talked again, I’m pretty sure you never blamed me in the first place.

I’m so glad we had that last father’s day and got a rare moment to talk openly about Mama’s illness, and I got the chance to reassure you that I didn’t blame you for anything either. After everything that had happened, we were both alright. Now you’re alright in heaven, Daddy. More than alright, really. You have a new body, a new mind, and a heart full of joy.

The sadness I’ve felt these years since your death was, after the initial grief of actually losing you, mostly guilt and regret for our lost relationship. But because you didn’t blame me, I can forgive me too. And best of all, when I see you in heaven, our relationship will be fully restored.

I feel you close to me, so thanks for that, and for all the little signs that you’re watching. I’m so glad to think of you at peace and rejoicing with Jesus today. I love you, Daddy.

~Your Baby