I’ll be honest with you, since sometime in my teens, I have straight-up hated Fall.
I’ve been over all the possible reasons…
- Maybe it had somewhat to do with Halloween, and how that lined up in my child-like mind with my mom’s delusions and hallucinations surrounding demons. I mean, if there was ever a perfect time for the devil to get me, it’d be Halloween, right?
- It was probably influenced by our state of beyond-bare-bones poverty, living in a dilapidated house whose roof was quite literally collapsing (complete with rats coming in through the ceiling!) and only a gas stove for heat; the threat of homelessness always looming due to my dad’s inability to keep a job and my mom’s inability to get one or even entertain the idea. I stayed terrified that we would wind up homeless on the streets of our dangerous neighborhood in the dead of winter.
- It could’ve also had something to do with the fact that I was apparently a born English major. I’ve found metaphor and simile to be second nature ever since I first learned what they were. As such, I couldn’t help but notice as the weather turned cold, the leaves died and left the trees bare and bleak. Then in school, I learned the symbolism of “winter” = DEATH. So getting cold outside = “you’re gonna die!”
Yes, that IS quite extreme. Welcome to catastrophizing, a side effect of my Complex PTSD, also seen with depression & anxiety. However, I think all my mom’s fears and delusions compounded that tendency to catastrophize even further. I mean, when the devil is stalking you and you are destined to become homeless in the hood, death would be rather hard to avoid!
Fast-forward.
It’s been 18 years since my mom passed away. During this time, I have done a lot of healing. I’ve come a long way since my fear-filled childhood and teens. I’m even learning to embrace Fall. It honestly took until about age 38! But I’ve been working toward it for a long time.
So in case you have a hard time with Fall as well, here are some reasons I’m learning to make peace with it.
- It’s a great time to be outdoors! The fall colors are much richer here in Tennessee than they were in Texas. As I’ve spent more time outside and connected more to the land, it’s amazing to watch the landscape change almost daily. The air is crisp, and you get these neat little fogs and mists in the hollows as you climb. I try to plan some hiking and camping trips during Fall to look forward to each year.
- I’ve embraced Fall style. Sweaters are cute! I just never had the money or, frankly, the imagination (I used to be pretty bare-basic!) to figure out which ones I really liked. It also took waaay too long to realize the comfort and warmth goes from zero to ten when you put a tank or tee under the sweater!! And then there are leggings, and booties… So instead of dressing for summer and complaining about being cold, I’m experimenting with cute ways to layer and stay warm & comfy.
- Three words: Fall candle scents. What’s not to love?? There’s just something about candles that brings warmth, spirit and coziness to a home. As the seasons change, throwing Fall scents into the mix helps me embrace the mood!
- It doesn’t take much to make me cold, and I always dreaded the 1st cold snap. But the past couple of years, I’ve started celebrating it by making my favorite soups and experimenting with new soup recipes!
However…
I have not yet, and do not expect to embrace pumpkin spice! (As Heather Land of “I ain’t doin’ it” says, “I mean, y’all know pumpkin is not a spice, right?”)
I hope you’ve gotten some laughs from this reading! As I continue on my healing journey, I have to admit it feels better to embrace the fun things about the change of seasons than it does to miss summer and long for warm weather for 8 months. What is an inevitable change you used to dread that you’ve learned to embrace?
I am not a therapist. Everything I write is according to my own experiences. Take what you need! 💚
