I feel like I’ve been absent a really long time. Except the odd post here or there, it has been almost a year since I really was involved with this blog. Here are the main things that have been going on. I’ll apologize now if it’s not the best writing. I’m really just trying to get the words out.

The main reason I haven’t blogged much this year is that I let a hater get inside my head. That is embarrassing to admit, but it’s the truth if I’m being honest. I started this blog to make a difference. But then I let this person make me believe I wasn’t doing that…

“You’re just trying to act like you know everything,” she said. And the way I tend to get caught up in my head and overthink everything, it made me stop and wonder – Am I? Like, is there a subconscious level at which I am trying to act like I have all the answers? I considered it carefully. I scrutinized my own motives. I asked myself, did I somehow start this blog as a means of self-promotion? Did I need some kind of ego-stroke, and was hoping to gain the attention from this? No. I can say with certainty, it was NOT.

My reason for starting this blog was to inspire and connect with others over my story. See, speaking is power. And when we choose to step into the shadows and go silent, we stifle our own healing, along with the healing we could help facilitate as a community! As a teen, I remember feeling like no one could possibly understand my life. But this wasn’t true at all. Since starting this blog and writing my poetic memoir, The Locust Years, I’ve connected with SO many people who grew up in homes with mentally ill parents and things that were scary happening that they didn’t understand. Imagine if we all could have connected when we were growing up. Imagine how many suicides such communities could prevent, how much pain they could alleviate. You are not alone! It is a powerful message.

Besides that, telling about our journey is a testimony to God’s faithfulness. In Luke 19:40, Jesus says (about the disciples, when being told by the religious leaders to make them shut up) ““if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out!” At this point, the Lord has saved me from an infinite number of disasters and ill fates that went with my location, socioeconomic status, and circumstances growing up. And I’m sure if you look back over your life, it won’t take you long to see the disastrous things that could have befallen you and somehow didn’t, thanks to Jesus looking after you. But if we don’t share that, it mutes this testimony, and an unsaid testimony is most definitely powerless! So that’s why I can’t help myself from feeling like I’ve just GOT to speak up and share what the Lord has done for me all of my life!

And finally, before I leave this point, talking about our mental health – the struggles, the victories, sharing tips and coping strategies we’ve found – is highly important. The idea that we all need to keep our minds healthy as well as our bodies, and that its ok to be sick, to take medicine, to get better, and keep living and thriving, must be communicated so that it becomes normalized and NOT a deep, dark secret is imperative. Society must have these conversations so that people are not afraid to ask questions, get help, and rely on each other!

So, to sum up, no. The person’s claim had not an ounce of truth to it. I created this blog for important reasons, because I had important information to share and I care about my fellow human beings. I’m making sure I record that here so in case anyone ever makes me wonder again, I can look back and remind myself that yes, I do have good, valid reasons for starting AND keeping this blog.

Secondly, physical illness has hit my family. I can’t say a whole lot about it because my family member is a very private person, but if you know anything at all about helping sick loved ones, then you understand. You know the doctor visits, the hospital stays, the trips to the pharmacy, the physical and mental stress. I confess, I’ve struggled not to fall into a deep, all-consuming depression.

There have been many times this year when the time to write literally anything simply was non-existent! But we are reaching a sort of plateau, it seems, and I think if I focus and schedule the posts, I can still commit to at least bi-weekly posts. We will just have to see how things develop.

Meanwhile, I love and appreciate you, each one. I pray a blessing over you. I pray that your families are well, and your spirits are healthy. I pray that you will be filled with the peace and love of Jesus, that truly IS past all human understanding. May he hold you close and protect you always.

~ KH