*I am not a therapist. All I have is my own experience, which I am happy to share in an effort to help others.
Y’all – this is not the 1950’s.
Back then, when my mom had here “nervous breakdown” (aka psychotic break) and was diagnosed with her “chemical imbalance” (aka schizophrenia), there was very sparse medical knowledge on mental health. Mental illnesses were highly stigmatized and feared because so little was understood. There was a very real chance that one could end up being committed to some horrible catch-all “insane asylum” where people with all types of mental illnesses were thrown together, many rendered catatonic or left in silenced screams behind the walls. Even after appropriate meds emerged for things like depression, there was still so much stigma that a person could be blackballed from working just because there was a record of them getting help!
Thankfully, things have changed a lot over the course of time.
Newer, better meds and treatments are being researched and released all the time, and we now FINALLY have options! We can try a medication, say to help relieve depression, and if it doesn’t work we can tell our doctor and simply keep trying meds until one of them helps. Financial assistance for care and prescriptions is widely available. Many articles and books have been written so we can educate ourselves, and each other. People share info and experiences on boards like Quora and Redditt. Most employers realize that mental illness is 100% treatable, and they are obligated by laws which prevent them from discriminating against or firing you.
Why is it then that there are people out here trying to cling to these outdated and unhelpful ideas??
On my journey with depression & anxiety, I cant count the number of times I’ve been made to fear seeking the help I needed. People said I’d have “a record” (yeah, like a criminal!) I was told no one would want to hire me. I was told all kinds of horror stories they had read or heard about this one or that one who had a ghastly experience with a medication. These “warnings” were enough to scare me into waiting to seek help until after I had completed two college degrees, had taught for several years and had time to “prove” I was capable and (I hoped) valuable.
Waiting to seek help put me through 9 years of needless suffering and I do not exaggerate when I say mental anguish!
I had at least 2 bouts of suicidal ideations during this time. (What if I’d succumbed?) I had so much trouble focusing that I pulled many needless all-nighters just because it took THAT LONG to fight my mind – the self-doubt, the fear that the assignment wouldn’t be perfect, the freezing, the racing thoughts – and actually complete the task!
Finally when a family member began having health issues last year, the added stress pushed me over the edge. I asked a friend what doctor she was seeing. I realized my anxious outbursts were beginning to hurt the people I cared about most – my family and my students.
That doctor explained how the process of getting on anxiety meds and antidepressants actually works!
You try out a medicine your doctor suggests in a low dose. You report back to the doc if you have any weird or severe side effects. If the med helps, they refill it. You then stay on it until you either don’t need it (Yes, sometimes we need help through a phase of life, and then when the extra stress is gone, we can again manage our symptoms without medicine) or the med stops working for you. If the latter happens, then the doc helps you try something else. In other words, You Don’t Have To Do This Alone!
Your doctor is there to help you through this process of figuring out what works best for you!
What a HUGE relief. This was such a far cry from the scary “warnings” and terrifying “what-ifs” I had heard all my life up til that point!
Needless to say, I am doing much better. I no longer have to fight my mind through every second of every day. I can concentrate again. I no longer have invasive suicidal thoughts. Most of all, I am able to be clear, calm and loving toward the people I love! My excess stress and the way my body was reacting to it is gone and I am no longer hurting them!
So am I saying medicine is magic? That it will solve all your problems and you will feel great all the time? No. I’m not saying that.
What I am saying is that it’s worth giving medicine a chance.
If you don’t like it, or if it doesn’t work, you can try other kinds. But I think it’s important to know when we need help. I was absolutely losing control of my anxiety and depression. I couldn’t do it alone anymore. And if it hadn’t been for that one supportive person in my life who I felt safe talking to; who was willing to help me get help… ? Who knows what might have happened.
So, let me be that safe person for you. If you don’t have anyone else to tell you – I’m telling you. It is 100% normal to be at the end of yourself. It happens to all of us at one point or another. And when it does, it is 100% okay to get help. Feel free to email me and ask questions. It’s kelly@kellyhanwright.com. You are worth it. All of it. I promise.
Sending you Love & Light,
~KH
