This coming Tuesday is the anniversary of the day my life changed forever when I married the man of my dreams and didn’t even know it yet.
When I came to Tennessee, I never intended to stay. My plan was just to be a drifter. After all, it seemed to work for my dad. He used to tell all these great stories of his travels. I felt like my life had certainly come to a dead end. Since childhood, my purpose had been basically living for my mom and caring for her as she fell into further decline. I had to idea what to do next. Figured I might as well see the world. I could never have dreamed what God had in store for me as I set off with nothing left.
When I decided to turn my healing journey into poetic memoir, I dedicated The Locust Years to “Frank – my catalyst…” A catalyst is an agent of change. Frank has certainly been that for me in every way. I could probably write a book on all the ways my amazing husband of 15 years has been an agent of change for me. Maybe one day I will. For now, here are the top 3!
- How to have a positive relationship with someone
Growing up, all I learned about relationships was that they were bad news. My parents’ relationship seemed to bring them nothing but pain and heartache. I never once saw it bring them joy. As I grew older I decided, none of that for me thanks! I mean, from the perspective of younger me, why would I complicate my life by getting tied up with someone and fill my home with constant turmoil? Hard pass! But as it turned out, Frank was too good of a person to pass up. I found him consistently kind and even-tempered with everyone in his life. When he proposed, I promised myself that I would have a positive, peaceful marriage with this sweet man. To date, we always have. We rarely have disagreements but if we do, we discuss the matter calmly and come to a consensus together. Younger me would be shocked to know that this was even possible! I’m thankful that I’ve discovered, it is.
- How to show love and compassion to others
I’ve seen Frank say kind words to people who’ve insulted him to his face. I’ve seen him continue reaching out in love to people who’ve rejected his efforts and basically made complete asses of themselves – people I wouldn’t even spit on to put out a fire, as the saying goes! And yet he doesn’t let himself be taken advantage of. He’s no rube, and people who mistake him for an easy mark are quickly disappointed. One of the most important lessons Frank has taught me is that kindness is not the same as weakness. I used to think I had to maintain this hard shell or I’d be taken advantage of. Frank is slowly but surely changing that.
- How to love my own self
It has been said you can’t love others until you love yourself. In my experience, this is definitely true. It has taken a long time but I’ve finally been able to see me through his eyes. He tells me I’m “strong, beautiful, and have accomplished so much,” and that I’ve worked hard for all of it. He volunteers these reflections on my merits out of the blue. We might be driving down the road or just waking up, and he’ll look at me and start listing all the reasons he’s grateful for me. I used to be filled with so much self-loathing it’s hard to describe, or thankfully even to remember. But Frank’s view of me that he has steadily showered over me for the past 15 years has allowed me to not only view myself with more compassion, but spread that compassion to others. As many of you know, I am now using those stories of overcoming my own self-negativity to try to help and encourage others through my Wellbeing Wednesday posts on my Facebook writer page.
Who is someone in your life that has helped you become a better person? Share in the comments below!
