This post is for people who don’t have complex PTSD. Something I hear, and also frequently say, ALL the time is how those of us with cptsd wish other people understood that it is a real illness. It is not imaginary, and we cannot control our symptoms.

We do not get to choose whether depression will develop. We don’t get to pick whether widespread body pain or migraines will become part of our lives. We don’t get to select the most convenient day to have a flashback or dissociative symptoms. All of these things come upon us with no warning. All we can really do is stay in therapy, take our medicine if we have it, and find ways to cope.

But here are a couple of important things you should know:

#1 We are all doing our best.

Just because we struggle, sometimes lose our battles with our symptoms, and even the addictions that can spawn from those original struggles – it doesn’t mean we as individuals are not doing the best we can with what we have at this moment in time.

But we are highly sensitive to pressure. This is because we put SO much pressure on ourselves! Many of us are perfectionists. Many of us are workaholics. “If only I could just be good enough…” is a thought that we go to sleep with at night and wake up with in the morning.

What we really need from you are heavy doses of love and acceptance. These can slowly counteract the pre-programming that was done by our abusers and lead us toward self-acceptance and more positive thought patterns. I speak from experience on this one, as the miracle of my husband’s patient, consistent love and acceptance has broken or lessened many of my own negative beliefs about myself.

#2 You can’t “fix” us.

We know you mean the very best. You want to be the one to show us we can trust people. You want to find the magic words that break the spell and make the pain and fear finally go away. Truth is, there aren’t any. And it’s not just you who wish there were – but there just aren’t.

I can’t stress enough how highly sensitive we are to the expectations and judgments of others. When we see that you are trying to fix us, those negative messages that we internalized so deeply during our abuse are confirmed. “You’ll never be good enough, NEVER!” they scream. The sound is overwhelming. It makes us want to curl up in the corner and cover our heads!

But when someone accepts us as we are… When you are willing to listen and not judge or tell us how to “solve” the flashbacks, the anxiety…You affirm that we can trust ourselves AND we can trust you as a friend. When you fix a thing, the job is eventually done and you move on. When you love a thing, you keep it forever.

If you are living with complex ptsd, I’d love to hear your feedback. What do you you wish people who don’t have cptsd knew about what it’s like? Lets share and grow together. Sending you Love & Light today. ♥